Forgetfulness

I became aware of the heat. I can hear the fan, what is supposed to be a steady cool temperature of air flowing, muted cars passing by. Heat just flowing next to my body. and as I begin to turn, to find its source I hear him murmur that everything’s fine, don’t worry, just relax & sleep. In a flash it comes back to me I’m not home, Not in any of the usual places I might be visiting. I’m in a strange city in a foreign hotel sleeping all curled up with a husband that isn’t mine.

I’m on what one would describe as a long strange trip, the final destination unknown and the beginning of the path quite blurry. I’ve fallen into an alternate reality for a few short days and can’t seem to remember much. Yesterday I forgot my life previous to this week. Couldn’t recall what I should have been doing with my day. Like it didn’t exist. And then making plans of sorts, I forgot he’s not my husband. It seems reality disappeared there for a moment. I forgot that when we leave this dimension it all melts away like an old movie with the words “the end” popping up on the screen.

I forgot I’ve slept with clothes on for the last two years, to hide from the fact that the person sharing my house doesn’t care to look at me, to touch me, to hold me. Tonight all I’m wearing is a sheet (and barely at that) with a furnace of a man tucked up against me just as naked. Even in his sleep he’s trying to comfort me, protect me. I’d forgotten what that was like. He was asked if his wife was enjoying herself and we both forgot that’s not me. It wasn’t until folks asked us how we knew each other that we recalled we lived separate lives in different places.

Its not the trip we intended to take, at least not in the beginning. Somewhere in the transition between reality and this strange dimension we stumbled, and holding each other up found we’d fallen down the rabbit hole. What should have been awkward, tense and troubling, flowed like he had lived beside me for a lifetime. Fears and concerns faded like reality and comfort turned to passion. And the passion held just as the concern and caring did underneath. I’m not sure where we are, nor where we’re going. The trip however is fantastic, and I have no intention of getting off the ride. I’ve forgotten which station to stop at, and my interest in recalling reality has faded fast.